To be human is to have conflict. To shepherd a church is to have conflict among them and with others. How we handle conflict is important! Our church needs to be trained in handling conflict. Our church members are watching us and learning to obey the Lord even as they watch us.
The definitive book is The Peacemaker by Ken Sande. The following is a helpful summary from this book. I believe I saw this summary with a speech organization I am affiliated with.
THE PEACEMAKERS’ PLEDGE
A Commitment to Biblical Conflict Resolution
As people reconciled to God by the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ, we believe that we are called to respond to conflict in a way that is remarkably different from the way the world deals with conflict (Luke 6:27-36; Gal 5:19-26; Matt 5:9).
We also believe that conflict provides opportunities to glorify God, serve other people, and grow to be like Christ (1Cor 10:31-11:1; Rom 8:28-29; James 1:2-4). Therefore, in response to God’s love and in reliance on His grace, we commit ourselves to respond to conflict according to the following principles:
a. Instead of focusing on our own desires or dwelling on what others may do, we will seek to please and honor God-
b. by depending on His wisdom, power, and love;
c. by faithfully obeying His commands;
d. and by seeking to maintain a loving, merciful and forgiving attitude
(1Cor 10:31; James 4:1-3; Psa 37:1-6i; Phil 4:2-9; Col 3:1-4; 1Pet 2:12; Jn 14:15; James 3:17-18; Rom 12:17-21; Mk 11:25).
GET THE LOG OUT OF YOUR OWN EYE-
a. Instead of attacking others or dwelling on their wrongs,
b. we will take responsibility for our own contribution to conflicts-confessing our sins, asking God to help us change any attitudes and habits that lead to conflict,
c. and seeking to repair any harm we have caused
(Mt 7:3-5; 1Jn 1:8-9; Prov 28:13; Col 3:5-14; Lk19:8).
a. Instead of pretending that conflict doesn’t exist or talking about others behind their backs,
b. we will choose to overlook minor offenses, Proverbs 19:11
c. or we will talk directly and graciously with those whose offenses seem too serious to overlook.
d. When a conflict with another Christian cannot be resolved in private, we will ask others in the body of Christ to help us settle the matter in a biblical manner
(Mt 18:15-20; James 5:9; Gal 6:1-2; Eph 4:29; 2Tim 2:24-26; 1 Cor 6:1-8).
GO AND BE RECONCILED–
a. Instead of accepting premature compromise or allowing relationships to wither,
b. we will actively pursue genuine peace and reconciliation-forgiving others as God, for Christ’s sake, has forgiven us, and seeking just and mutually beneficial solutions to our differences
(Mt 5:23-24; Mt 6:12; Eph 4:1-3, 32; Mt 7:12; Phil 2:3-4).
By God’s grace, we will apply these principles as a matter of stewardship, realizing that conflict is an opportunity, not an accident.
We will remember that success, in God’s eyes, is not a matter of specific results but of faithful, dependent obedience.
And we will pray that our service as peacemakers bring praise to our Lord and leads others to know His infinite love (Mt 25:14-21; 1Pet 2:19, 4:19; Rom 12:18; Jn 13:34-35).